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5 ways to wish Happy Teachers Day September 5, 2012

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Humor Rant.
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Yes, it has been some time since you last saw me here. And to avoid giggles, I will not be saying that you would be seeing a lot of me in coming future. I got a job that I love, and I might as well be faithful to it. Or not so much, like you care!

So, it is that time of the year when you get cringe about that black blazer you borrowed from your dad to wear (some 8 years ago) and look utterly disdainful while you troubled younger kids in school as they very well deserved. (My English teacher is surely going to cringe on the length of that sentence. Sorry, miss!)

I liked my teachers, even respected them. Not in the years of school and college, but surely after that. But then, this blog is not about being emotional, it is about being stupid. So here I present, 5 ways to wish your teacher on  Teachers Day!

5. Get them a bottle of Teachers, the finest. (This was expected to make an appearance, wasn’t it? So let me get it out of the way first)

4. Be of the opposite gender to the teacher. Get a sex change, if needed and while you are at it, you might want to touch up your face. Not sure about the teacher, but that would help me a great deal. Wear low collared tees, if you are now becoming a woman. Again, would help me a great deal.

3. Suck up. Now, you do this at your jobs and you have been trained for this. You have been molded into this form, as only experience can and you might as well use it. Remember that one mark she refused to increase in your math test, taking you from 18/20 to 19/20? Find out, if you have gotten better at begging now.

2. Brag. No, not in the manner which you usually do. Give them the due credit which they deserve to help you reach where you are today, insisting that you were always awesome but they were decently good too. If you think you are in a bad place, don’t smash their faces for this. You might use that “chewing gum near her head rest” trick. Remember?

1. Pick up a phone or search them on FB. Flood their wall posts with wishes and get your friends to like their page. They have been awesome to you, no matter how partial you felt she was. She has had a great role to play in your life, till date.

(P. S. – To all my dear teachers who have made me who I am – Thanks a bunch, will always love your love)

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5 Changes in Life – Post a Failed Interview December 26, 2010

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Humor Rant, Interviewee.
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Once your interview is done with, you might want to heave a sigh of relief. After all, aren’t those 5 questions and answers all that has got to do with an interview?

Why Does one fail an Interview
Sadly, that is not the truth. If you were to succeed in the interview, that is, land a job, your life has practically ended and there is nothing much that any of us could do to revive it.

 

However, if you are one of the few lucky ones, who failed the interview then there is something that you can look forward to. And those are the changes in your life post a failed a interview. As has been my wont, I will list down 5.

 

5. Everybody is sympathetic with you. You will regularly get words like “Don’t worry. It will work out. It always does.” from your family members and friends. Now, they mean it. And they care for you. It is just that they now get a chance to express it. But how should you react to that? Well, if you had any self – respect, you would feel pathetic. Alas, that is not the case and we both know it. So, you can bask in the sympathy – post a failed interview.

4. You start looking for more jobs through your friends and on the internet. It is a definite ‘move on’ from searching for porn sites on the internet to searching for company websites. And it is probably a good move on.

3. Facebook takes a back seat and LinkedIn becomes of paramount importance.

2. Your attitude goes for a toss, and you become humble. Isn’t humility one of the most over-hyped virtues? Well, that is the good thing about failing an interview. You suddenly start possessing such virtues.

1. You pay attention to your ‘supposed’ humor blog on WordPress

 

Disclaimer: Kindly note that while I have been repeatedly mentioning that I write these posts from personal experience, I wish to emphasize that the above one is just a piece of fiction and my wild imagination. I mean I would never follow Option numbered 4.