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What are the English gloating about? July 25, 2013

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Cricket Rant, Humor Rant.
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No seriously, what are they gloating about?

That they have a new prince? That they have won in rugby? That they have  a Brit Wimbledon champ after so long? That they have the Aussies on the mat in The Ashes?

You would read all the questions listed above and if you are an Englishman, respond with a resounding “Yeah!” So for the Englishmen, this is my response.

    1. You have  a new prince, in prince George Louis. Well, good for the namesake royalty. But really, is that really worth gloating about? That the father of the child had the balls to father a child? I belong to a country of over 120 cr. in population. Seriously, birthing a child is no big deal for us Indians, we bring a new life in this world almost every second.
    2. Rugby. Well, really who cares about that sport in India. Sachin Tendulkar doesn’t play rugby.
    3. Brit Wimbledon champ. Well, for one, it is just one of the Slams held every year and it shows the lack of depth in the English tennis lines that you did not have a champ in a slam held in your country for so many years. And for second, weren’t we reminded every year of Andy Murray’s Scottish background until this one? Suddenly, he is all Brit?
    4. The Ashes. Australia have lost only 2 of the first 2 tests in the 5 test match series and boy, they have every chance in hell to make a fightback happen and win the Ashes urn this time around. Well, may not every chance in hell, but a mathematical / statistical chance nevertheless. So why don’t you first ensure that the series is indeed won and the urn is locked in your cupboards for the next 15 4 months.

No seriously, what are they gloating about?

That Ian Bell Run Out! August 1, 2011

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Cricket Rant.
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I had decided that I wasn’t going to write on cricket here. Something on the lines of a retirement from writing on cricket or as some would say I was banned from it. But like a Pakistani cricketer, I have decided to come out of retirement for this issue of a freak run out makes me want to add my two cents to this issue! (Yeah, that two cents is a part of a homage to one of my favorite writer.)

 

Ian Bell was clearly out there, wasn’t he? He was out of his crease when the bails were taken off, the ball was still in play and Morgan knew about it. Hell, the umpires gave him out and I am sure they know the rules and hence the dismissal must have been within the rules of the game.

 

What for me isn’t within the rules of the game, and not even in the ill cited and often chided “Spirit of the Game”, was the way Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower walked up to MS Dhoni and Duncan Fletcher asking for reconsideration to the appeal. I am not sure what transpired within those walls, but I think that surely was disrespect to the game. The umpires are there for a job, they did their job and the captain and coach of the English team felt they were not good enough at it. They decided that it was necessary for them to walk up to the opposition captain because the umpire out there was a fool who gave Bell the dismissal. Well, that is at least how I read it.

 

The papers have been going on and on about the overturning the Bell dismissal and how ICC has appreciated Dhoni on his upholding the spirit of the game. Dear ICC, what about upholding the rules of the game?

 

The dismissal was within the rules of the game. So why over turn it? Because the opposition team decides it is time for good gestures and because they wouldn’t have felt great about being in Bell’s position. Frankly, had an Indian player decided to leave his crease when the ball was still in play, it should mean that he was stupid and sloppy enough to lead himself to a lazy dismissal after 137 runs.

 

Considering that ICC rules that fine players are applicable to only Indian (and SL and Pak) players, I would ask ICC to fine MSD for showing dissent to the umpire by asking an umpire’s decision to be overturned there! Such behaviour from MSD should not be tolerated. Today, he has decided to over turn Bell’s dismissal, tomorrow he is going to ask for only more. We can not let this bloody rich Indian cpatains and boys over turn an umpire’s call. Strauss and Flower are only fools, the real culprit is this rich Indian village boy, trying to rule this game under the cloak of its  “Spirit”.

 

Dear ICC, ban MSD for a match.

Osama found Dead – For Sachin May 2, 2011

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Cricket Rant, Humor Rant, Serious Rant.
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On Sunday, May 1, Osama Bin Laden was found dead in the evening. At least, that is what the reports coming in have confirmed. It is noteworthy that President Obama thanked Sachin Tendulkar in his speech while reporting the death to US of America.

Barack Obama delivers speech on Dead Osama

[Link unavailable] [Excerpts from Speech]

“We did it for Sachin. Just like the Indian team won the World Cup for him, we killed Osama Bin Laden for Sachin. Yes, we can!”

“It is a proud moment for all of us. We have finally managed to do something for Sachin. He has carried the burden of a billion living people on his shoulder. Now, it was time for us to stop carrying burden of killing a billion people and carrying them on our shoulders. The one man that made us to do that, we have killed him. No, not Sachin, I meant Osama there in the last sentence.”

“Osama was found dead in Pakistan. It is imperative to note that India have agreed in principle to tour that terror torn nation. And Sachin would be a part of that touring party.”

“We could not let Sachin go through the terror of playing in a country which hosted Osama. As we can not exert any force on BCCI and their decision making in cricket, hell nobody can, we decided to do the next best thing. We removed the threat. We killed Osama.”

“Yes, We Can. Yes, We Did. We Killed Osama. For Sachin”

The world has now taken a collective sigh of relief. All, they have managed to say is

Thank You Sachin

(Disclaimer: The words in the post above are completely my own and any occurrence of the said words by Barack himself, would be an infringement on copyright. That is, Barack never said it before me.)

Meaning of Ashes to an Indian November 28, 2010

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Cricket Rant, Humor Rant.
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3 comments

Until and unless, you are a PIO (Person of Indian Origin) in Australia, The Ashes do not mean much to you, other than a Test Series of 5 matches being played in England or Down Under between two unevenly matched sides. Or so you thought!

The Ashes mean much more than that to an average Indian. I have made a list of 3 things that The Ashes means to us.

3. The Ashes are related to Haridwar and to a lot of mourning for an average Indian.

2. The Ashes are something they show in a lot of Hindi movies from Ram Lakhan to 3 Idiots, that form a major crux of the story line moving forward.

1. The Ashes are what they drank in Due Date, thinking of that as Coffee.

There are times when The Ashes might be used in a different context. However, these times are also as frequent, as they are used in the context of cricket. In these times, The Ashes might be mispronounce as Asses.

Like in the following context:

Those Assess think that they play better cricket than us. However, we showed them what are true potential is by not letting them win after the Sydney episode. Assess!

In no context, do the Ashes mean the following to Indians

3. The Ashes

2. The best cricket series involving Australia. That is called the Border Gavaskar Trophy.

1. The most important battle in cricket heritage. That is India v/s Pakistan.

Match Fixing is a Dark Art August 30, 2010

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Cricket Rant, Humor Rant.
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And Pakistan Cricketers seem like a bunch of Slytherins. Very susceptible.

All that has been in the news since it broke out on Saturday night, is the news concerning the alleged spot fixing that involves no less than 7 Pakistani cricketers. Now, wasn’t 7 a magically powerful number? Are they just a bunch of Horcruxes then?

It is not even funny how I am able to compare Cricket, a sport I so dearly love and follow, can be compared to Harry Potter series that have been immortalized by J K Rowling.

Back in 2000, the Dark Arts came out in the public domain like never before, when Hansie Cronje broke down before the Kings Commission and those 3 days changed our world for ever. It has not even been 12 years (Time taken by Voldemort to make a reappearance in the wizard world. Oh come on now, stop whimpering, I am going to say that name aloud.) and match fixing has raised its ugly head once again, this time taking down a bunch of young Pakistani cricketers into its clutches. See, I told you, they were a bunch of Slytherins.

It is not funny that cricket started off from the same place, as HP series, in England. It is not funny that this event came to light at Lords. If Lords does not match up to Hogwarts in terms of sacrosanctness, nothing does.

What we need is Harry Potter to save us from this Dark Art. May be it is time for Daniel Vettori to show his true self.

Vettori Harry Potter Look Alike

Ankit Poddar’s Post For BCCI gets a mention in the Week May 23, 2009

Posted by Ankit Poddar in Achievements, Cricket Rant.
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An article that Ankit Poddar had written for Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (titled: A premonition from IPL 2014) has found its way into The Week, May 24th, 2009!
The exact excerpt used was the following:

IPL in Afghanistan
Perhaps the highlight of IPL 2 has been the number of blogs and websites commenting on it. One site calls itself the BCCI-Bored Cricket Crazy Indians. And its predicted report for IPL 2014 begins thus: “IPL chairman Lalit Modi thanks the government of Afghanistan for providing them with the best security measures and brilliant hospitality throughout the IPL. Che, formerly known as Cheteshwar Pujara, the captain of India and IPL Saurashtra Team, thanked Sachin Tendulkar for inspiring him to lead his side to victory….”

Read A premonition from IPL 2014!

Read The Week, May 24th!

Read Homer bringing it to Ankit Poddar’s notice!